Second Thoughts

The Lovey and I trekked to the 22nd Annual Hoes Down this week-end. The weather was PERFECT! We saw cows, sheep, lovely fields, chickens, saw weaving and blacksmithing and went to a ton of workshops. Two days later and I feel like I am still recuperating.

Full Belly Farm is a 300 acre farm that has been around for 25 years. The concept and cooperative ownership of the farm is quite remarkable. I learned so much about soil composition, seed saving, cover crops, clover, bees, compost.... met a farmer who is taking intern applications for the April - October 2010 season, where I would really learn about crop rotation and successive growing strategies.

Through the Baroness, we have been introduced to a man who has a farm in San Gregorio. Currently there are 5 acres that have been previously farmed (in pumpkins), and that is the area that we would be talking/ begin negotiations about.

Probably need one more round of working on a farm before a dive into a farm of my own. But can I do it? Where is the time? Do I have the energy? Strength? Will my body hold up? Am I smart enough? Stubborn enough (well... that is probably a yes. I'm pretty damned stubborn). Do I have the desire? Knowledge?

These are the things that are rolling around in my head. I want to retreat into a cave and just let the world pass by. I hope I can snap out of this soon and be able to make some decisions. I can't pass up this HUGE, awesome opportunity or not try to do one more apprenticeship. This truly is a once in a lifetime thing. But I don't feel I am in a positive mental space to move or do anything. ANYTHING. I am deer in the headlights. Can't go forward, can't go back. It makes me sick.